If you missed us, don't worry the NY Tech Day is next week. I mention this because we'll be there and we'd like to meet you. Very much. Please say hi to us. We're very nice, smell fantastic, and will have on awesome shirts. Maybe we'll even coordinate our outfits.
Now, we've participated in our fair share of job fairs and have seen and heard... stuff. Most of it good, some of it, not so much. We're hiring and would love to have you on our team so I'm going to provide a little cheat sheet of statements that you definitely should not make. Again, please do not use these lines. I just want you to thrive out there.
10. "Yeah, my mom said she she'd toss my PS4 if I didn't get my butt out of the house and apply for some jobs so... yeah..."
9. "You want to see me on Monday?! I can't wait to get home and share this news with the team-- Mr. Tinkles, Beelzebub, and Lady Licorice. Then, I'll tell my cats."
8. "I actually wanted to assess your company's foldable flip flop needs..."
7. "So how much money does this pay?"
6. *excessive head nodding to everything the recruiter says* "Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yesyesyesyesyes."
5. "Oh, no. I'm not really interested in your company. I just wanted a pen."
4. "You aren't located near the 6th Ave. McDonald's, are you? I'm not allowed within 200 yards of that restaurant anymore. Ex-boyfriends! Amirite???"
3. "Yeah, I got my B.A. all right... in Bad Assery! Tech rules!"
2. "What's your company's policy on suits of armor?"
1. "I'm not here for a job. I just wanted to check out the atmosphere and the energy of the startup life."
See you this Friday! We'll have some really cool swag. Stop by and say 'ello! (Note: You have to say it with a British accent so we know you read this. Bonus points for adding "boppit")
Pharra Perry - Account Manager at Reelio Labs & Central Park Street Ninja. If you see me, I’m doing something wrong.